Fourteen years on the sand, and what I would tell a friend

I drove dune-bashing 4x4s and later ran a desert camp on the Lahbab road. This is the honest version of the briefing I used to give guests before we left the city.

By Marco Steiner, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Red dunes at late afternoon, drawn from memory — **The red dunes, late afternoon.** The colour is the iron in the sand and the low sun. At noon the same dunes look like a building site.

My name is Marco Steiner. I am fifty-eight and German by birth, which people find funny until they hear me argue about tyre pressure. I came to Dubai in 2009 to drive a 4x4 for a safari company and stayed fourteen years — first as a dune-bashing driver, then as the operations manager of a desert camp on the Lahbab road. I retired last year with a bad lower back and a lot of opinions about soft sand.

This is a planning guide, not a review and not a blog. It exists because the same four questions come up every single evening: how rough is the dune bashing, is the cheap safari the same as the expensive one, what do we actually eat, and what happens if it is forty-five degrees. I answer them here so the drivers can stop explaining it at the pickup.

I do not sell tours. I never have and I never will. Bookings are made by the operators, and their own pages are the only place you should be typing a card number.

If you want the official Dubai tourism site, it is here. Everything about safari operators, prices and availability is their business, not mine. I am independent so I can tell you the truth about the food and nobody calls me about it.

What is in this guide

The DunesWhat dune bashing actually is, Lahbab versus the closer sand, and motion sickness. The CampBBQ, shows, camels, henna — and how to spot a 200-person camp. How Booking WorksShared versus private 4x4, pickup windows, e-tickets. Plan The EveningThree in the afternoon to ten at night, and what to wear. When To ComeNovember to March, summer heat, Ramadan notes. FAQAffiliation first, then kids, pregnancy, quad bikes and alcohol. AboutFourteen years of convoys and camps. ContactA post office box in Al Barsha and an email decoded by a script.

One thing up front. I do not take bookings, do not hold seats and do not have a cart. If a page asks for a card number while calling itself "the safari ticket guide", close it. This site is reading only.

— Marco